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ALEXANDRA SHULMAN: The evening Tom Hiddleston left me a little crushed

Women of all ages were enthralled by Irish actor ‘s performance in the TV drama series Normal People.

Although the production and his mesmerising co-star were also excellent, it was Mescal as the tongue-tied, slightly chunky and very confused on-off boyfriend who was compulsively watchable.

Heavens, even the chain he wore around his neck became the male accessory of the moment. It wasn’t only women who were just that little bit obsessed.

So it was that I developed an Age Inappropriate Crush – indeed, an AIC which has survived even the frankly hideous costumes and hairdo he sported in the recent film Aftersun. Now, still only 26, Mescal is performing on the London stage in Tennessee Williams’s A Streetcar Named Desire, in a role previously regarded as Marlon Brando’s preserve.Can I get tickets? No. Would I beg, steal, paradox hoodie demean myself? You bet.

AICs are a different order of crush and nothing like the days when a poster of David Cassidy, Davy Jones of The Monkees or (is there a David thing happening here?) would adorn my bedroom wall.

I was once keen on the then unknown Tom Hiddleston, whom I¿d watched in Unrelated, an excellent film by director Joanna Hogg writes ALEXANDRA SHULMAN

I was once keen on the then unknown Tom Hiddleston, whom I’d watched in Unrelated, an excellent film by director Joanna Hogg writes ALEXANDRA SHULMAN

AICs are slightly shameful.What right have you to nurture unseemly thoughts about a man younger than your son?

Mescal, though, isn’t the only young actor I’ve had a crush on. I was once keen on the then unknown Tom Hiddleston, whom I’d watched in Unrelated, an excellent film by director Joanna Hogg.

Oozing with youthful, lanky testosterone and carelessness in the movie, he becomes the Age Inappropriate Crush of a woman in her 40s – possibly just late-30s – who joins a family villa holiday in Tuscany.Never has there been a more agonisingly accurate portrayal of the AIC condition.

Hosting a Vogue Bafta dinner a few years later, I seized hostess privilege and seated Hiddleston next to me. After all, I figured, we frequently placed pretty young women next to older men at these dinners (though I’m not sure they do nowadays, post-Weinstein).

But as soon as we sat down, I realised it was a mistake.Hiddleston clearly felt he’d pulled the shortest straw and had been condemned to a meal next to the stately editrix, when that year’s gorgeous talent was sprinkled elsewhere around the room. He was polite but legged it at the earliest opportunity.

Hiddleston becomes the Age Inappropriate Crush of a woman in her 40s - possibly just late-30s - who joins a family villa holiday in Tuscany in the film

Hiddleston becomes the Age Inappropriate Crush of a woman in her 40s – possibly just late-30s – who joins a family villa holiday in Tuscany in the film 

I’ve never discovered if the older men seated with young women, who’d have little interest in them, felt similarly or if they believed their power was attractive enough to justify it.

If I were in the same position now, with Paul Mescal’s seating card to position, would I nab him to be next to me?Sadly, probably not. I’d place him next to the most attractive woman in the room, as would be his due.

I’ve learnt that Age Inappropriate Crushes are best treated like so many heroes… left to loiter in the imagination.

 

Hollywood loses its glow

The red carpet at last week’s Golden Globes announced the end of the fashionable suntan – at least as far as Hollywood is concerned.The beaches of Mustique, the Maldives and St Barts might have been crammed with celebrities over New Year but clearly they were all drenched in factor 50 and lolling under canopies. Actresses Claire Danes, Jennifer Coolidge, Anya Taylor-Joy, Elizabeth Debicki and even the ultimate golden-skinned Aussie Margot Robbie were all tan-free, shimmering like creamy pillars in their sequins.

Only a couple of years back, teams of professional tanners, such as queen of the game, Amanda Harrington, would have hot-footed to LA to add a mandatory sunny glow to offset the gowns and jewels.But now, all those bare arms and shoulders are kept pristinely pale as the day those stars were born.

 

Why credit’s due for TV’s unsung heroes

ONCE, it was book covers that promoted the most memorable graphic designs, in particular the old Penguins.Now, though, it’s in the opening credits of TV series where typography, design and theme music are as watchable as the programmes themselves.

From the Pavlovian reaction of anticipated pleasure at hearing the music at the start of Succession or Dark Horses, to the eye-catching, camply sinister White Lotus credits and chic 1970s-style palette of the thriller Candy, these captivating sequences deserve an awards category of their own.

 

Harry’s book is just too cheap

Prince Harry¿s Spare, No 1 in the bestseller list, is already on sale at half price, despite the fact that anyone who wants to buy this self-pitying rant would surely be happy to pay full price writes ALEXANDRA SHULMAN

Prince Harry’s Spare, No 1 in the bestseller list, is already on sale at half price, despite the fact that anyone who wants to buy this self-pitying rant would surely be happy to pay full price writes ALEXANDRA SHULMAN

Bernard Arnault, the world’s wealthiest businessman, has appointed his daughter Delphine, right, as head of Christian Dior.The fortune of his company LVMH is founded on understanding that the more desirable something is, the more you can charge for it.

Thus the enormous prices of Louis Vuitton handbags or Celine sunglasses.Conversely, booksellers don’t discount their most popular books. Prince Harry’s Spare, No 1 in the bestseller list, is already on sale at half price, despite the fact that anyone who wants to buy this self-pitying rant would surely be happy to pay full price.

If I were Queen of the World, I would charge a premium for the books everyone wants and discount the less popular and lesser-known authors so as to give them a helping hand.

 

What this country needs is more rain

Caught out by a torrential rainstorm last week, I sought shelter in a Daunt bookshop, incidentally displaying full-price copies of Spare.The shop was doing brisk trade.

I’ve heard of how fashion retailers are affected by the weather: if it’s too hot, no one wants to go shopping; if it’s too cold, no one wants to think about new clothes. But I had never factored in the rain before.

Perhaps the UK’s generally low shop-sales figures are not only affected by the cost-of-living crisis but by an unusually dry past year.

 

Unhappy reminders of failed willpower

My iPhone screen is overcrowded with apps that have failed to improve my life as intended when I installed them.WeightWatchers (worked brilliantly once but then failed). Drinkaware (trying it without much success). Duolingo (I haven’t used since failing to master Italian pronouns).

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